Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Another Drinking Binge


We're not at the point where we're going to call social services, but she does seem to take drinking to the extreme. You can see her here in her latest drunken stupor. She could barely manage to mumble, let alone hold a conversation. She fell over frequently. She lost control of her bladder. It was embarrassing and at times we were afraid she would lose control and we were not sure we were safe. She yelled at me to change her diaper. Then she passed out.
-Hermann

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Vi's First Rally

Well, she woke me up at 10:15, and told me to get dressed. At 10:30, she made me find her "good" stroller - the larger one with the pockets and sub-visor. We then proceeded to walk up Broadway 1.5 miles until we found what we assumed was the line to the rally. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a line to donate blood. After Vi gave them a pint, we proceeded one more block to Civic Park, and found a much larger line that disappeared around the block. We found the end of the line, and stood there. One minute later the line exploded, er, dispersed. Everyone started walking towards the capital building. I asked someone why people were walking that way, and a kind fella told us that they had set speakers up in the park so that losers and late-comers could hear the goings-on where the cool people were. Not wanting to look like losers, we walked in the opposite direction until that guy was out of sight. Then we doubled back and up the hill to find a nice spot on the steps of the capital building. As we were on the 15th step, we were exactly 5280 feet above sea level. I turned to make small-talk with a nice couple sitting next to me, and soon discovered that Vi had ditched me to get a better view of the proceedings by climbing the statue in the middle of the lawn. I felt betrayed and a little hurt that she didn't include me in her excursion, and I must admit I felt the warm hand of justice when she got busted by the local police, who returned her to me. I then overheard a lady telling her daughter to be brave. "You're going to just have to be brave for me sweety", "You're gonna have to brave and not poop for a while, there's no way we can get through all those people." Vi overheard the conversation, too, and told the lady about the 40+ porta-potties we had passed when we doubled back after the line bust-up. The lady was elated that her daughter would be able to drop one sooner than later, and offered Vi a free Obama button as compensation. "Would you like a button?" "Sure." "What color?" "I don't care, as long as it has Obama on it." She digs through her bag of beautiful home-made buttons, pulling out her most prized one. She holds it above her head and admires it in the sunlight, turning it back and forth, front to back, before smiling and pinning it on Vi's tomato hat. ( At this point, I'm pretty sure the little girl has already dropped her load, as her mother was taking her sweet-ass time with the button crap, but I wasn't gonna say anything - the button was really nice.) We got kinda bored sitting there, as nothing had really started yet, so we got up and walked around. We walked around the perimeter of Civic Park, trying to see if there was an angle to view the speakers (the human kind). We then heard Bill Ritter speak, and some other people, and then some music, and , finally, Obama himself. We walked around the perimeter some more. We saw loony folks making videos about how there is no freedom of speech inside Civic Park right now because they wouldn't let people take signs into the park. We saw sharpshooters on the roofs of buildings. We saw some crazy anti-'O-BOMB-A' stinky people walking around. We saw a dead dog in the middle of the street. We never got the line of sight we were hoping for, but it was totally fun nonetheless. Then Obama started talking about education, and how we the people need to take responsibility for ourselves and turn out lights we don't need to use. And we were happy. Then Vi drank a fifth of vodka she had hidden in the pocket of her Stroller and passed out. I then wheeled her 1.5 miles back home. We fell asleep on the bed, and took a nap. I was late for improv. -Hermann

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Great Leafy North





Auntie Stace's wedding was this weekend in Northern Michigan. It could not have been a more beautiful time. A perfect mommy and me, flying through the air, landing amongst gorgeous fall trees, spending quality time with the aunties, floating on Crystal Lake, trying to eat apple tree branches, sitting in grass for the first time, attending big time parties and watching a best friend get married through tears of joy (but not having any pictures of that part), whirlwind kind of a thing!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hats For Sale!





And exercise bicycles and strange lamps and miles of yarn and a large vintage dress collection and the kind of cheese gooped sandwich press, and the desk too heavy for any human to move, a door mat that asks one to leave and some apparently thought babies, although not at this sale...